A Harrowing Story of Survival

Why I Slept with My Therapist, How One Gay Man Tried to Go Straight

Just how far will a gay man go to be straight? For Brian Anthony Kraemer, that journey included thirteen years of celibacy, daily prayer, extensive reading, participation in an ex-gay ministry, and two exorcisms. He still hadn’t reached his goal when he met a man he believed to be the therapist of his dreams—a married, Christian therapist with an innovative method of healing.

Through what he called “spiritual adoption,” the therapist began a reparenting experiment in which Brian’s therapy included spending time with his therapist in his home and meeting his wife and biological children, as well as other “spiritually adopted” clients. Brian and his therapist shared a bed, showered together, and spent extensive amounts of time holding, cuddling, and caressing.

In his memoir, Why I Slept with My Therapist, How One Gay Man Tried to Go Straight, Brian Anthony Kraemer shares the details of his developing relationship with a Christian male therapist in his attempt to change from homosexual to heterosexual. Though the goal was to go straight, this relationship ultimately led to Brian’s acceptance of himself as a gay man—and the therapist’s loss of his license.

Just before Christmas of 1997, I flew from Southern California, where I worked in a Christian mission agency, to visit my parents five hundred miles north. I originally planned to stay for two weeks, from December 20 through January 3, but after a few days, I knew I could not stay that long. I felt anxious, nervous, and afraid. I had to get back to my own home, my gym, and my routine. I was addicted to my daily trips to swim at a local university pool, where I spent long periods of time in the men’s locker room showering, hoping to see as many naked men as possible.

I watched men come and go in this group shower setting and tried to avoid being too obvious in my sexual interests. My penis, however, often revealed my thoughts, and I had to direct my erection toward the shower wall and pretend nothing unusual was happening. Most men ignored it. Some engaged in friendly conversation without mentioning it. Others revealed interest with eye contact or by moving closer, to a shower head near mine. Still others gave a scowl of disapproval and left. With my eyes, I soaked in these masculine bodies in an eff ort to satiate my longing for any kind of connection with them. … I had not had sex with a man since my conversion to Christianity thirteen years before, in May 1984, at age twenty. I wasn’t about to break my record of celibacy.

Brian Anthony Kraemer holds bachelor’s degrees in psychology, health science, and social science; he is currently working on a master’s degree in psychology. He has taught in elementary schools and served as the president of Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) in Pasadena and Chico, California. He currently lives in Chico, California, where he performs as a musician and engages in public speaking opportunities, mostly on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender issues.

This book can be ordered through amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, and many other book retail outlets.

Keep calm and lock the doors

COMMENTARY

Flipping through my normal news sources, I came across an ‘in other news’ story about the Occupy London (dubbed by the BBC as ‘anti-capitalist protest’). Seems that said protests are large enough that they have accidentally done what the Nazis needed the Blitz to do, they have shuttered St. Paul’s Cathedral.

Citing health and safety concerns, the Right Reverend Graeme Knowles, dean of the cathedral, announced that they will be closing St. Paul’s until further notice. As can be seen by the image above, the protest camp is sandwiched between the historic cathedral and the Exchange, filling Paternoster Square.

What struck me about this story most is that I see it as a sad tale of missed opportunity. Here is a large group of people who are following their conscience and speaking out against economic/social injustice and the Church, rather than providing assistance and showing that they are sensitive to the needs of their neighbour, decide to turn out the lights and lock the doors.

Is that the message that they wish to send?
Is that the message we wish to be sent?
Is that the message that Christ has charged them to preach?
Where is God in this?

Complete Article HERE!

Women bishops law in Anglican Church makes progress

This month the campaign to allow women bishops in the Church of England could clear another hurdle.

Supporters are surprised and encouraged by the backing it has been getting in the Church’s regional councils, or synods.

“We were expecting positive votes but the overwhelming majorities have been more encouraging than we expected,” says Helena Jenkins, a parishioner of St Luke’s church in Sevenoaks, Kent.

“I like to think it’s the Holy Spirit moving, because I just feel so strongly that this is the right way for the Church to go,” says Ms Jenkins, a member of the campaign group Women and the Church.

“And I think even some people who have difficulty with the idea of women in ministry have been listening perhaps more than they were.”

The measure needs the approval of half the synods of the Church’s 44 dioceses before it returns to the General Synod, which could take a final vote on the measure next July.

This month 16 more dioceses will vote, and it is hard to see the women bishops measure not picking up the six it needs.

But will the General Synod follow suit?

Jim Cheeseman thinks not. A parishioner of St John’s Anglo-Catholic parish in Sevenoaks, he is a member of the General Synod, and of the Rochester diocesan synod which will vote on 15 October.

The women bishops law needs two-thirds majorities in each of the General Synod’s three Houses – Bishops, Clergy and Laity.

“I would think probably 40% of the House of Laity are against,” says Mr Cheeseman.

Deadlock remains over attempts to provide for those parishes who object to women bishops on principle.

Authority dispute

The proposed legislation as it stands allows for the bishop of a diocese to appoint a stand-in male bishop to look after a parish opposed to women bishops.

Opponents say accepting a bishop (even one who shares their Anglo-Catholic or Evangelical views) appointed by a woman diocesan bishop would mean accepting her authority.

They want the stand-in bishops to derive their powers from the law itself, and not from the bishop of the diocese.

Supporters of women bishops say that is unacceptable because it means a woman would be a “second class bishop” without control in her own diocese.

The diocesan synods have mostly backed that view – but two (Sheffield and Manchester) have passed a “following motion” calling for the stand-in bishops to have independent authority.

A compromise amendment by the Archbishops of Canterbury and York on “co-ordinating the exercise of episcopal ministry” was backed by the bishops and laity in the General Synod last year, but beaten in the House of Clergy.

The House of Bishops has the power to amend the legislation to reintroduce something similar before the General Synod votes again.

This would cause many months of delay and be unpopular with supporters of the proposed law.

But the Reverend Angus MacLeay says some might welcome it if it means means “that they can much more easily get over the two-thirds hurdle”.

Mr MacLeay is rector of the large Evangelical parish of St Nicholas, Sevenoaks, a member of the General and diocesan synods, and a trustee of Reform, the conservative Evangelical group which opposes women’s ordination.

“If a substantial minority were saying we need to slightly rethink this I think that ought to weigh heavily with the House of Bishops and I think also with General Synod,” he says.

For Helena Jenkins such a proposed compromise “creates a sensation of second-class ministry which I think would be very damaging… the compromise position wouldn’t feel right to anybody”.

Financial fears

How will opponents react if the law goes through as it stands?

Jim Cheeseman thinks there is little desire among the remaining Anglo-Catholics to rush to join those who have already joined the Roman Catholic Church.

“My counsel is always patience. It’s one thing having a law; it’s another thing it actually affecting you,” he says.

But he warns that not giving parishes opposed to women bishops the provision they want “would give the impression that we’re not wanted in the Church”.

If there is no compromise, he says: “I fear that the Church of England will not be financially viable.

“Parish share (the contribution parishes make to general church funds) is voluntary. There’s not a legal requirement to pay.

“You can’t expect people to be united in mission and giving if they feel they’re not wanted.”

Angus MacLeay also thinks any crunch moment for opponents of women bishops in
Sevenoaks would be far in the future. Rochester welcomed its new bishop, James Langstaff, only last year.

“I’m certainly not wanting to leave the Church of England. I’m intending to stay – but it just makes things more difficult, a requirement to accept this particular change,” says Mr MacLeay.

And if the proposed legislation fails? “I think I would be sad,” says Helena Jenkins. “But I’d still want to go on working for it.

“We have some very able women in the Church of England who I think would make superb bishops.”

Full Article HERE!

Protestant denomination to ordain openly gay minister in Madison Wisconsin

Twenty-one years ago, Scott Anderson had a choice. He could continue to serve as a Presbyterian minister but hide his identity as a gay man. Or he could leave the ministry and live, as he says, “with a sense of integrity” about who he is.

Anderson left the ministry in 1990, believing that door would never open to him again. Now it has.

On Saturday, Anderson, of Madison, will become the first openly gay minister ordained by the Presbyterian Church U.S.A. since the denomination amended its constitution this year to allow it.

Hundreds of friends and supporters, and possibly some protesters, are expected to turn out at Covenant Presbyterian Church for what is being called a watershed moment in the life of the denomination. It is also the culmination of one man’s deeply personal spiritual journey.

“I have felt a call from God to serve as a parish pastor since I was a sophomore in high school,” said Anderson, 56, a near-lifelong Presbyterian who has spent the last eight years as executive director of the Wisconsin Council of Churches.

“When I came out and left the ministry, I never thought in my lifetime this day would come,” he said. “This has been 20 years of God surprising me, really.”

Anderson will be ordained this time by the John Knox Presbytery, a group of 60 congregations in Wisconsin, Iowa and Minnesota. Sunday’s service follows decades of rancorous debate in the mainline Christian denomination over the inclusion of gay and lesbian people, and a yearlong legal challenge by a Portage-area congregation that sought to block the ordination.

Supporters say Anderson is profoundly qualified, describing him as a compassionate and deeply spiritual man, a gifted preacher, well-versed in theology.

“Scott’s gifts for ministry were so abundant and clear,” said the Rev. Nancy Enderle, who headed the presbytery committee that oversaw Anderson’s three-year ordination process and recommended him unanimously. She now serves as executive director of Covenant Network, a Presbyterian organization devoted to inclusion of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

“He has this tremendous intellect, but also an air of humility and grace,” she said.

Despite the committee’s unanimous recommendation, the broader church and even the John Knox Presbytery remain deeply divided over the issue of gay and lesbian clergy.

“We want leaders to uphold the highest levels of conduct within the denomination,” said Forrest Norman, chairman of the North Carolina-based Presbyterian Lay Committee, which opposes the ordination of gay and lesbian pastors, saying it is inconsistent with Biblical teaching.

“We want people to live in the way God called them to live.”

Gay and lesbian advocates also point to the Bible to support their views.

“The kinds of covenanted, faithful same-sex partnerships we have today simply didn’t exist in the times when the Bible was written,” said the Rev. Mark Achtemeier, who served with Anderson on a national panel charged with helping the church find some consensus around the issue.

“What the Bible writers were condemning were the exploitative, violent, idolatrous behaviors that were going on in the pagan societies all around them,” said Achtemeier, a conservative Christian who now supports the ordination of gay and lesbian clergy and will deliver the sermon at Anderson’s ordination.
Eight years as a pastor

Anderson grew up near Sacramento, Calif., in a conservative Christian family that joined the Presbyterian Church when he was a teenager. He attended Princeton Theological Seminary, where he realized he was gay, and spent eight years pastoring churches in California until he was outed by a couple in his congregation in 1990.

Anderson calls the meeting where he told church members the truth about who he is “the best and worst moment of my life.”

The congregation responded with tears and a standing ovation, he said, and weeks later: a check that would cover two years of graduate school.

Anderson picked up a master’s in public policy, assuming he’d end up in the vast California state government bureaucracy. But a part-time post with the California Council of Churches set him on a career path that would bring him to Wisconsin – with his partner of now 20 years – in 2003.

Along the way, he remained active in the Presbyterian church, including working to overturn the church’s 1978 prohibition against ordaining gays and lesbians.

“I think part of my call from God was to stay,” said Anderson, who’s had offers to leave for other denominations.

He was the only openly gay member of the national task force that unanimously recommended, among other things, a way for presbyteries to ordain gays and lesbians.

In 2006, the church resurrected a 200-year-old practice known as “scrupling,” which allowed a candidate to state his objection to a particular church teaching, and the presbytery to decide whether that objection was enough to bar ordination.
Finally a chance again

That was the crack in the door for Anderson to begin the three-year ordination process. The John Knox Presbytery approved him 81-25, but a dissenting congregation filed a complaint to block it in the church’s legal system.

By the time the high court took it up this summer, it was moot. The national church had voted in 2010 to change its constitution to allow gay and lesbian clergy, and it was ratified by a majority of presbyteries in July.

The door was now fully open to Anderson.

At his ordination, Anderson will receive the pastor’s stole he wore at his last church in California. He had given it to the Shower of Stoles project, a commemoration of the gifts lost to the church by the barring of gay and lesbian clergy.

For now, he’ll stay at the Council of Churches, which serves as a resource and advocacy arm for Christian congregations around a host of social and economic justice issues.

But his hope is to one day return to the parish ministry.

“I have probably 10, 12 more years of ministry left,” he said. “And whether that’s here or in a local parish, I’ll have to wait and see what God has in store for me.”

Full Article HERE!

NZ Synod votes for full inclusion of lesbian and gay people in ministry

The Auckland Diocesan Synod held on 4 September, 2011, debated and passed overwhelmingly a motion in support of the full inclusion of lesbian and gay people in ministry.

Jeremy Younger, Coordinator of Changing Attitude New Zealand, has forwarded a report of the meeting which is published on the Changing Attitudes web site – address below. Mr Younger writes:

It was a significant day in the ongoing struggle to end discrimination against LGB&T members of the Anglican Church in New Zealand for two reasons.

For the first time an Auckland Diocesan bishop said publicly in his Charge that he would discern and ordain LGB&T candidates for ordained ministry, including if they were in committed same-sex relationships. He qualified that support by saying ‘should the appropriate basis for change be found within the church’ – namely some level of agreement in the House of Bishops and an understanding of, or change to, Canon Laws that would permit this. The relevant paragraphs of his address are printed below.

Secondly, the Diocesan Synod debated and passed overwhelmingly a motion in support of the full inclusion of lesbian and gay people in ministry and committed to the listening process, initiated, as the bishop says, after Lambeth 1998. Auckland’s goals and the commitment made in the motion are exactly the same as Changing Attitude England’s and are the focus of our Conference on 24 September in Birmingham.

The Synod motion [as amended with clauses 3, 4, and 5] read:

“That this Synod

[1] Holds that sexual orientation should not be an impediment to the discernment, ordination, and licensing of gay and lesbian members to any lay and ordained offices of the Church; and further

[2] persons in committed same-sex relationships likewise should not be excluded from being considered for discernment, ordination, and licensing to any lay and ordained offices of the Church.

[3] commits to an intentional process of listening to gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people, organized by the Archdeacons in consultation with the gay and lesbian community.

[4] commits to an ongoing discussion with the ministry units, asks the Archdeacons to facilitate this, and invites responses to those discussions to be submitted to Diocesan Council by 31st March 2012; and

[5] commits to support the process and work of the Commission to be appointed by General Synod Standing Committee, as resolved at its meeting in July 2011.”

This motion was put in parts, and members voted via a paper ballot. The most contentious clause, [2], passed by nearly a two-thirds majority.

Never before has an Auckland Synod so clearly, overwhelmingly, and emphatically endorsed the being, relationships and ministry of its gay and lesbian members.

Two comments from gay members of the House afterwards were “for the first time, after all these years, I feel affirmed by my Church” and “this has drawn a line in the sand that has not been drawn before, and we will never go back”.

The text of the Bishop’s Charge follows the report above at:
http://changingattitude.org.uk/archives/4354

Full Article HERE!