A Harrowing Story of Survival

Why I Slept with My Therapist, How One Gay Man Tried to Go Straight

Just how far will a gay man go to be straight? For Brian Anthony Kraemer, that journey included thirteen years of celibacy, daily prayer, extensive reading, participation in an ex-gay ministry, and two exorcisms. He still hadn’t reached his goal when he met a man he believed to be the therapist of his dreams—a married, Christian therapist with an innovative method of healing.

Through what he called “spiritual adoption,” the therapist began a reparenting experiment in which Brian’s therapy included spending time with his therapist in his home and meeting his wife and biological children, as well as other “spiritually adopted” clients. Brian and his therapist shared a bed, showered together, and spent extensive amounts of time holding, cuddling, and caressing.

In his memoir, Why I Slept with My Therapist, How One Gay Man Tried to Go Straight, Brian Anthony Kraemer shares the details of his developing relationship with a Christian male therapist in his attempt to change from homosexual to heterosexual. Though the goal was to go straight, this relationship ultimately led to Brian’s acceptance of himself as a gay man—and the therapist’s loss of his license.

Just before Christmas of 1997, I flew from Southern California, where I worked in a Christian mission agency, to visit my parents five hundred miles north. I originally planned to stay for two weeks, from December 20 through January 3, but after a few days, I knew I could not stay that long. I felt anxious, nervous, and afraid. I had to get back to my own home, my gym, and my routine. I was addicted to my daily trips to swim at a local university pool, where I spent long periods of time in the men’s locker room showering, hoping to see as many naked men as possible.

I watched men come and go in this group shower setting and tried to avoid being too obvious in my sexual interests. My penis, however, often revealed my thoughts, and I had to direct my erection toward the shower wall and pretend nothing unusual was happening. Most men ignored it. Some engaged in friendly conversation without mentioning it. Others revealed interest with eye contact or by moving closer, to a shower head near mine. Still others gave a scowl of disapproval and left. With my eyes, I soaked in these masculine bodies in an eff ort to satiate my longing for any kind of connection with them. … I had not had sex with a man since my conversion to Christianity thirteen years before, in May 1984, at age twenty. I wasn’t about to break my record of celibacy.

Brian Anthony Kraemer holds bachelor’s degrees in psychology, health science, and social science; he is currently working on a master’s degree in psychology. He has taught in elementary schools and served as the president of Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) in Pasadena and Chico, California. He currently lives in Chico, California, where he performs as a musician and engages in public speaking opportunities, mostly on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender issues.

This book can be ordered through amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, and many other book retail outlets.

Study finds most unmarried, college-age Christians sexually active

A study by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy determined 88 percent of unmarried Christians ages 18 to 29 have had sex, despite the general push for abstinence in most Christian denominations.

But while these statistics may seem shocking, some are casting doubt on their accuracy and meaning for Christianity.

The study also found 64 percent of those surveyed have been sexually active in the last year, while 42 percent are in a current sexual relationship. The study was published in RELEVANT Magazine, a Catholic news magazine, which devoted a three-page spread to the findings in their September/October issue.

Marquette students and faculty had various reactions to the statistics and overall concept of the study.

John Haugland, a sophomore in the College of Engineering and practicing Catholic, thought the studies were drastic misconceptions.

“If you look at this campus you would find that the majority of the students will identify as Christian, but how many are actually practicing?” Haugland said. “The study may be more applicable if this was distinguished.”

Haugland said he believes the study generalized the Christian population.

“If you are true to your beliefs and are truly practicing, you will abide by what the faith says,” Haugland said. “People choose to practice their religion either fully or partially – this may be a part that some Christians dismiss.”

The Rev. Thomas Anderson, associate director of Campus Ministry, said he did not find the report surprising.

“I believe most teenagers are at that stage of life when they may begin to move from a nominal adherence to a more personal appropriation,” Anderson said in an email.

Susan Mountin, director for faculty for the Manresa Project and former campus minister at Marquette from 1978 to 2001, was responsible for the marriage preparation program and worked with pregnant students or those who had abortions while attending Marquette.

“Believe me, students were sexually active at Marquette,” Mountin said in an email. “I cannot imagine there are fewer students who are sexually active now ten years later … society has made sexual activity a very casual thing.”

Mountin said she found that students generally engaged in sexual activities for what she called “the wrong reasons.”

“I also hope we can have more free and open conversations about this topic at Marquette,” Mountin said. “Sometimes there is a lot of ‘experimenting’ that goes on with relationships in college.”

Full Article HERE!